Yes, you are capable of picking your mood, just like you can pick your nose. It can be done, (even if you have fat fingers! Ha ha) Rude joking aside, it really is up to you to pick your mood. You can’t leave it up to fate or chance, or how you feel when you roll out of bed in the morning. You can decide your mood ahead of time.
PICK YOUR MOOD AHEAD OF TIME
Why is it important to choose your mood ahead of time? Because things are going to happen that will “ruin” your day, or your moment. Honestly though, no matter what happens we need to stop saying our day is ruined, because every day can have stuff that irritates us. There will always be something that can potentially happen to steal your joy.
STOP SAYING RUINED
It is my belief that we need to STOP saying the phrase, “it ruined my day”. No. No-one can ruin your day. The only way your day is ruined is if you keep saying it, and keep insisting that your day is ruined. It has NOT been ruined! The only thing that has happened is that someone offended you, hurt you, betrayed you, cut you off, bumped into you, hit your car, or you fill in the blanks. How you choose to respond to those things happening will affect the rest of your day. Events don’t ruin us. It happened, it’s over, move on! There are more hours remaining in the day that can be fantastic.
I am a big pusher of “decide ahead of time” on how you will respond to things that go wrong. They will. Guaranteed. One day your windshield wipers might give up the ghost. One day your kid will throw a temper tantrum and not get dressed, making you all late for school/work. One day your hubby will snap at you, one day you might have a fender bender. One day you might get a leak in your roof. One day you will run out of milk for breakfast and won’t have time to run to the store. One day your clothes dryer will die, and you don’t have the money to repair it. Your pet might throw up on your bed. Plan ahead on how you are going to handle emergencies, or typical daily things that comes up. If you learn how to control your responses, you will realize that you really don’t need to waste your energy on anger.
Think of stuff that happens to irritate you as a mosquito. It lands on you, bites you, hurts you, but you slap it off. It may sting awhile, but it eventually the pain is gone. If something happens in your day – no matter at what time, it didn’t ruin the day. It stung, it hurt, but slap it off. Get over it. Stop dwelling on it, and for your happiness sake, let it go!
When it comes to parenting, decide you will not get mad. Yelling never helps. Driving angry can be dangerous. Your kid will have an awful day if you yell. Instead, take deep breaths, and figure out something you can say that will defuse the situation. Say calmly, “I told you that if you were not ready by 7:45, then you will not be allowed to watch tv (or any screens) tonight. Because you disobeyed, you have now lost that privilege, and now we are going to be late for school. I’m sorry you are having a rough morning, but now we need to get going.” Your child might still be grumpy, but you’ve set boundaries, and you’ve spoken with a calm voice.
ALWAYS FOLLOW THROUGH WITH WHAT YOU SAY
Then follow through in the evening with no tv or screens. This is just an example, but you need to be prepared for each thing that happens. Work it out ahead of time! You know what comes up every day: fighting about what to wear, fighting about cleaning rooms, fighting about going to bed, fighting about not wanting what’s for dinner. These are not surprise battles, they happen daily. So – do something about it! Decide ahead of time how to handle it, and you will be able to remain calm.
I wrote in another article that you can do the same thing for driving. You are already aware that there are terrible drivers out there, and usually at least once a day you will bump into Mr. Jerk, or Mr. A$$hole. Decide ahead of time how you will react when they cut you off, and you won’t have an angry emotional response. Smile and wave! It works! Saves you the adrenaline rush.
THE BOGEYMAN IN THE CLOSET
As a female, you need to track your period. Why? Because our hormones affect us quite a bit, which in turn affects everyone else around us. Know when it’s coming, because usually our moods change BEFORE it arrives. As my wise hubby once told me, it’s not okay for me to behave badly and act out of control just because my hormones are out of whack. It’s not fair to him, or the family. Instead, he told me to pretend my period was the bogey man, who hides in the closet. Every month at the same time he’s going to jump out. Well, be prepared for when he jumps out! Know that he’s coming, and be prepared, and so you stop having an emotional reaction to everything, when it’s just hormonal, and it normally wouldn’t bother you. Be prepared ladies – don’t blame your tantrums or bad behavior on PMS. You CAN control yourself, it just takes some effort.
CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS
When you change your thought patterns, and quit having an emotional outburst to things that happen to you, you will be much happier, and calmer. One of my rules has always been – “no yelling unless the house is on fire.” I have never once met someone (kids included) that enjoy being yelled at. We all make mistakes, we are all human, but we do not deserve to be yelled at. We can learn how to control our angry feelings, but if you still struggle, then I would suggest taking an anger management course. There is usually a root buried somewhere in someone who has out of control anger issues, and it needs to come out.
ONLY CHANGE YOURSELF
You can only change yourself, and your mood. Don’t try to help someone else. Change you.
What happens when you change, is that others will notice your change, and they will change too! You don’t need to point out their issues, just focus on your own. Become the positive change in your family. Your kids will see the difference, your partner will see the difference, and you will be able to live in relative peace and harmony! That’s not to say that things won’t go wrong (because they always will, you just don’t know on what day) but you already have an arsenal of responses ready for when things happen.
DON’T SWEAR IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS
Sure, you might swear when you drop a heavy box on your toe, but train yourself to say a different word instead of f$%k. Your kids really do NOT need to hear f-bombs. Seriously. You might think it makes you a cool mom because you swear, but I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t. It just shows you have a potty mouth.
Swearing does not do anything except express anger. Do you really want your kids to hear you swear all the time? Learn how to handle situations, pick your mood ahead of time, and be an example for your kids, so that they learn how to handle things too, instead of going for a swear word.
PICK YOUR MOOD AHEAD OF TIME
Pick your mood the night before. I always say when I’m going to bed – “tomorrow is going to be a GREAT day! (or sometimes I pick fantastic!) and guess what? I DO have a great day, because I had already decided.
Your brain is amazing, and you will have the exact kind of day you talk about. If you say your day is ruined, the whole day will be awful. If you get rid of that ridiculous word (ruined) then guess what – your days will be easier to handle.
Go ahead, pick your mood!
I’m already having a fantastic day, and tomorrow is going to be even BETTER!