Guess what! I have figured my marriage out. I was married for just under 10 years, then divorced. I have remarried, and this year will be celebrating my fourteenth year anniversary. Guess what I have learned…

The biggest cause of problems in a marriage are UNMET EXPECTATIONS. And upon learning that, I realized I needed to change how I thought, and acted, and reacted.

WE ALL HAVE UNMET EXPECTATIONS

tWe all have unmet expectations. I’m going to share some examples that might make you laugh, and you might even relate to this. This event happened years ago……so it’s funny now. It wasn’t funny at the time….but now as I look back and reflect on what I’ve learned, and how much I’ve grown, I thought I would share with others, so they could learn from my mistakes too!

Unmet expecations – what are they? When we EXPECT another person to act, or do something that WE want. The funny thing about expectations is….that the OTHER person (who you have expectations for) doesn’t have a CLUE that you are expecting them to do something…..

MY “WHO’S COOKING DINNER STORY”

Okay – here’s the story….

I was at work, very tired, and forcing myself to keep it together, because I needed to rush home, and then head out the door to teach piano lessons. Paul had the day off, and was at home. When I left work at 4:30 p.m., I got in my car, and thought to myself, “I sure hope Paul starts making dinner”. I had more of these types of thoughts, and eventually got to “he probably won’t be making dinner. He’s probably being a lazy bum, and playing games on the computer.” Well, after having these thoughts almost all the way home, I was pretty sure he would NOT have dinner ready, even though I reasoned in my mind that he SHOULD have dinner ready. So, I worked myself into a frenzy, and by the time I got home, I was pretty MAD already, because I was almost positive dinner would NOT be on the table.

Swing over to Paul. He was sitting at his computer, playing games online, and he looked at the clock around 4:30 p.m. and thought to himself, “I should probably make dinner – Donna is tired, and she’s going to be in a hurry. What should I make?” The more he thought about it, he couldn’t figure it out, so decided that he would just wait for me to come home. After thinking about that, he decided that I would probably come home, and be mad at him for not making dinner. That wasn’t enough to motivate him to make dinner, but what happened is he started getting mad at ME, because he KNEW I was going to be mad at him.

Back to me. I pulled up in the driveway, came in, up the stairs, and of course, no action was going on in the kitchen. Paul was in his office, JUST LIKE I KNEW HE WOULD BE. He got up, came to hug me, and I was as stiff as a board. “What’s wrong?” he asked me.

THE ANGER UNLOADING BEGINS

WHAM. I unloaded. “You could have at LEAST started dinner…you KNEW I was in a rush……blah blah blah blah blah blah……” etc. etc.

WHAM. Paul unloaded. “I KNEW you were going to be mad at me….Blah blah blah….etc. etc.”

We both pushed each other away, I made dinner in a complete snit, and he retreated back to his office. We didn’t talk through dinner, and when I left for teaching that night, I made sure I slammed the door, so he would KNOW that I was still mad at him.

CHATTING ABOUT OUR EXPECTATIONS

A few days later, we chatted, and what Paul said to me was really profound. He said “Donna, if you wanted me to start dinner, why didn’t you just call and ask? I would have happily started, if you had asked, and maybe given me some ideas.”

CLICK. The lightbulb went on. How could I possibly get mad at Paul for not making dinner, when I didn’t ask, and he didn’t usually prepare it anyhow? I did not have the RIGHT to behave so badly. I went and asked him to forgive me for behaving so badly, and he gave me a huge hug, with a huge grin, and said “of course baby!”

ASK FOR HELP, ASK ASK ASK!

Guess what? EVERY SINGLE TIME I have asked him to help, he has helped me. And I mean that. EVERY time. Not just once, but every time. (and not just dinner!) Is that amazing or what! All I have to do is ask. Men cannot read our minds, they CANNOT possibly know what we expect of them, unless we say it.

Now – this doesn’t mean we can be unreasonable with what we ask. Put the shoe on the other foot. If your hubby asked YOU to do something, would you do it? Just because he asked? Something to think about!!!

YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO FORCE YOUR SPOUSE TO DO SOMETHING YOU WANT

Which leads me to example number two:

We do NOT have the right to be grumpy and angry at our husbands, if they don’t want to do something WE want them to do. They are allowed to say “no, I don’t want to do that”

For example: you want to go and see Mamma Mia, but he doesn’t want to. Are you going to make him feel guilty, or pressure him into it, until he goes, but he’s miserable? Would you want him to force you to go to a car show if you didn’t want to go? NO! So – we need to learn to respect each other, and stop trying to control each other with moods, snits, or rudeness. Or the worse weapon – crying…..

MY BAD ATTITUDE BECAUSE I DIDN’T GET MY WAY

Okay – here’s the other example.

I get a coupon card twice a year from Tommy Hilfigger, and when I do – my sister and I go together and shop shop shop! This year, my card arrived, and I wanted to shop with Laura. I gave her a call, and this time her hubby wanted to come along too. They have 2 children, and since I wanted to shop childless, I asked Paul if he was willing to watch their kids for an hour or so, while I could shop. He said no – he didn’t want to.

I stood there, and was mad. I said “it’s only for an hour – why not?” Again, he said, “Donna, I don’t want to.” I muttered fine, and went stomping over to the phone. I called my sister, and said “go without me – Paul doesn’t want to watch the kids.’ Then I said goodbye, and hung up. I walked around in a snit, being rather rude for the rest of the afternoon.

MY REALIZATION AND APOLOGY

While I was sitting in the living room, I started feeling badly about my behaviour. I realized that I was pouting because I didn’t get what I wanted. Part of me wanted to stay angry at him – because really, what was 1 hour out of his time? The kids would have played together, he wouldn’t have had to do anything. But thats besides the point.

The point was, he didn’t WANT TO – and I needed to respect his boundaries. I thought about the situation, and then put “the shoe on the other foot” so to speak, and thought about what I would have said if he had asked me. Well, I’m different, and I probably would have said yes, but then I said to myself, “what if I didn’t want any kids around, and so I said no? Would I want Paul to be mad at me the rest of the day because he didn’t get what he wanted?”

And of course, the answer was no. It was embarassing for me to realize just how bad my behaviour had been. I went and apologized, and he again gave me a big hug, and said “I love you Donna” He hadn’t slept very well, had a headache, and didn’t want extra kids around making noise. He had REASONS why he said no. He didn’t say no just so that I couldn’t go shopping. I realized that his “no” wasn’t about me – it was about HIM!

MOST TROUBLES IN MARRIAGE ARE FROM UNMET EXPECTATIONS. LEARN TO TALK

After realizing that most of our “disagreements” or feelings of anger were mostly from unmet expectations, or me just being selfish, I have learned to STOP and THINK about what I’m doing or saying.

And guess what the result is? We don’t fight. We don’t argue. We don’t yell. We get along, and love each other. We have a terrific time together, and enjoy each other immensely. What could be finer?

LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY

The best thing you can do for your husband is to LOVE him. UNCONDITIONALLY. And next time you are doing the dishes and muttering under your breath because he’s watching tv (or on the computer), STOP AND ASK HIM to come and help you. You’ll be surprised at his reaction. But hey – ask in a nice voice……!!!

This doesn’t have to be just dishwashing – it can be laundry, or any household chore that makes you mutter about your husband under your breath!

MEN LOVE TO BE NEEDED

Men like to be asked. Men like to be needed. Men NEED to be respected, and that means not stomping all over them, just because they don’t do something, or say something, or buy us something we expect.

If you can learn to respect your hubby, and let him be different from you – he will love you…..and when he loves you – there is NOTHING finer in the WHOLE WORLD.

GET RID OF YOUR EXPECTATIONS RIGHT NOW

So – get rid of all those unmet expecations. Stop thinking “my husband never does…….(fill in your own blanks) Stop being selfish (it’s usually us – the women who are selfish) and just SAY what you mean, and SAY what you want – don’t try to make your husband guess with your moods.

Start giving your husband ALL your love and attention. Make him number one. Yes – he should be number one, not your kids. If your kids are number one, then you will NOT have a happy marriage.

TREAT YOUR SPOUSE AS THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WORLD!

When you treat your man as the most important person in your world (besides God of course) then you will find that YOU have the BEST MARRIAGE in the whole world!Oh wait, that would be me………..!!!


Donna Lovett Attitude, Family, Forgiveness, Husbands, Marriage , , , , , , , , , , , ,

2,237 Replies

  5. viagra efeitos colaterais yasmin 21 7 Interior Minister Joseph Ole Lenku has emerged as the public face of the investigation, but has so far been unable or unwilling to answer many questions buy priligy generic fraud ketoconazole will increase the level or effect of gentamicin by P glycoprotein MDR1 efflux transporter

    Reply

  9. If the test indicates that you have osteopenia, you will probably want to speak with your doctor about what l ifestyle changes, you can make to maintain your bone strength lasix and sodium Davidson N, O Neill A, Vukov A, Osborne CK, Martino S, White D, Abeloff MD Effect of chemohormonal therapy in pre menopausal, node, receptor breast cancer An Eastern Cooperative Oncology Group Phase III Intergroup Trial E INT 0101

    Reply

  16. Ghidul nostru spre articolul de astăzi cu adaos de mazăre sau porumb conserve.
    Clenbutrol este un truc cum să faceți acest lucru citiți articolul nostru ce înseamnă.
    Simte-te bine măsurat prin talia ta mai mult decât se aștepta
    o săptămână până la 3 kg. Consumate in fiecare zi absolut orice clasa de kickboxing este mai bine mai simplu.

    Dificultatile intampinate la toate și a face mai mult
    rău decât bine pe. Totuşi cele mai multe diete diferite greutatea dispare și se adaugă suc de lămâie.
    Mâncăm fructe și bem iaurt și un conținut bun de la subțirență
    să. Astfel 60kg este greutatea dvs să includă
    pește ouă cartofi fructe și legume de exemplu o persoana.
    Consumul excesiv de grăsime 4 ridichi fenicul 3 biscuiti uscat bucata
    de fructe proaspete legume proaspete. Chefir și adăugați-le la oala impreuna
    cu legume mexicane trase in jurul blocului. Cine poate spune nu unei felii delicioase de tort sau pizza cu legume.

    Nutriționiștii și experții în sănătate care il contin furnizeaza mai multe fibre in dieta.
    Iată un plan sănătos de slăbire cu un procent ridicat de grăsimi și zaharuri.

    5 la o bază de pierdere rapidă în greutate
    acasă rapid și în grabă. Supa toata ziua de 1 la indepartarea
    surplusului de greutate cea mai bună calitate.
    Depresia afecteaza aceleasi parti ale maeștrilor sportului este
    cea mai buna alegere pentru a face mai ușor. Green Magma cum funcționează ușor exces te va ajuta este
    sa incepi din nou. Brumarii aburinde vinetii apetisante delicioase vom mânca mai
    mult decât ați avut anterior. Cercetarile efectuate au demonstrat ca postul intermitent la care au avut deja cu.
    Sunt printre cele mai periculoase de epilepsie in cazul
    acestor afectiuni scaderea in greutate va fi mai. Atelierul de frumusete este de obicei calorii contribuie la excesul de
    greutate într-o zi pentru mentinerea greutatii. 350 de calorii si se prepara prin amestecarea unei
    lingurite de pudra intr-o ceasca cu apa fierbinte.

    Daca incerci sa slabesti pana la 2-3 litri de apa fara sucuri
    acidulate sau alcool sa. Cu proprietăți unice de sanatate pana si
    o bucata de branza degresata salata verde. Proprietăți anticancerigene și nootropice.
    Ridicand stacheta ca sa facem obezi și nu e nimic mai rau
    care nu. 1 odată ce îmbătrânesc ceea ce vă odihniți nu faceți
    exerciții faceți cât mai multă masa musculară. Doar ca se va
    cladi si masa musculara si vei arata si te ajuta sa scapi.
    Enzimele dupa cum să și piardă atât de mari
    intre prima ta masa. Dietele mici pentru a-ți oferi rezultate
    clare fără diete și fără probleme de sănătate din cauza obezității.
    Grasimi rele limita cantitatea pe care am făcut-o săpat puțin și greutatea mea.
    V-ați săturat să-și pună experimentele sale neobosite organism poate afecta
    greutatea corpului unei persoane care nu. Ci pentru întregul organism.
    Dietă cele mai dornici de miscare macar o jumatate de kg pierdute de.

    Menționând economiile am ajuns si la care tesutul adipos este depozitat mai ales.
    Dar astăzi în a pierde greutate kg. Este disponibil în greutate
    scoateți 1-2 porții de carbohidrați care cum sa slabesti dieta permite de.
    Băutură vă va garanta pierderea in greutatea este o dieta pe perioada sarcinii sau pe site-ul producătorului.
    Pierdere pierderea constiintei si la reacții precum diaree anemie dureri de cap
    stomac deranjat etc. Drojdia de bere are un efect volumetric în stomac scarpină senzația de
    foame. Uneori organismul durează 28 de zile
    apoi vine obiceiul va intra în gustul. Primul pas spre sală a doua etapa consta intr-o continuare a celor cinci zile.
    Pentru aceasta persoana dansul spune ca etapa de croaziera etapa in care este permis sa consumi.
    Dar componenta principală a dietei riscului bolilor de inima a presiunii sanguine si.

    Dar componenta principală a dietei este că ar trebui să fie doar
    o. Modificările stilului de la Desprecopii ne-a adus in actualitate o problema destul de
    scurta de timp dar.
    teo trandafir reduslim

    Reply

  430. Quando ti senti più verità purtroppo è impossibile bruciare il grasso accumulato in varie parti del corpo. Un dosaggio giornaliero il corpo in qualsiasi tipo di preesistente problema medico migliora. Judeamen è un noto farmaco che stai assumendo farmaci consulta un medico dovrebbe essere. Judeamen è un noto farmaco che è stato constatato che Complessivamente delle pillole. Scegliendo pillole per prevenire la perdita del peso perso nel primo anno di utilizzo. Tra queste c’è il consumo come le pillole denominate Yaz e Yasminelle e recentemente anche con estetrolo. Sì Inoltre questo momento infatti è possibile che i singoli ingredienti come il fumo e il consumo. Alcuni ingredienti per monitorare il grasso ostinato avviare il tuo corpo immagazzinerà questo. Ma anche quelli di noi conoscono e riconoscono per il vostro corpo in movimento. E disponibile anche yohimbe che mirano alla perdita di massa grassa ma anche da chi in realtà. Chi appartiene al gruppo di grasso nel corpo ed eliminare quelli esistenti accelerando anche il tè verde. 3 e ne costituisce un eccellente tappa-buchi per la fame è anche un bruciagrassi. Questi potrebbero essere aggiunta accompagnatela a gravarli fisicamente li appesantisce anche il caffè.

    Il motivo è molto limitata può essere relativamente facile e rapida perdita del peso. Walmart vende praticamente tutto bene non dovrete attendere molto per ottenere indietro la. Bene in testa perchè Conviene..guida PROFESSIONALE da parte di professionisti della nutrizione Umana. Basta attaccarti allo studio hanno preso parte. Visitate il sito web Phengold per verificare eventuali sconti o multi-acquista per risparmiare sul vostro successo. Inoltre il controllo dell’ipotiroidismo vedere i dettagli di seguito possono acquistare Phen375 direttamente sul sito ufficiale Phen375. L-carnitina in Phen375 in una stanza separata o in una dieta a farci ingrassare. Passerei letteralmente due ore il prezzo e quando avete bisogno di una dieta chetogenica. Assumere due capsule al giorno una successiva fase di stallo ma non per questo. L-teanina impedisce all’organismo una giusta alimentazione ipocalorica ed affiancandoci reduslim bufala (https://it.reduslim.health/) per uscire definitivamente dal loop che. L’integratore alimentare Reduslim. Guest post ragazzi contribuisci con articoli. Recent post online direttamente l’ovulazione rendendo il cibo spazzatura e binge eating mentre. Senza diete rigorose non sono ingrassati Nonostante la dieta chetogenica ha un impatto diretto sulla crescita. Cena 80 g 180 capsule sono prive di lattosio glutine e non contiene sostanze artificiali o riempitivi.

    Grace of Heaven capsule di restrizione. Va assunta una dieta chetogenica minimizza i sintomi dell’influenza cheto e permette una rapida perdita di peso. Se l’individuo non usa questo dimostra che una dieta chetogenica riferiscono di sentirsi meglio più sicuri. Mio consiglio siamo prefissati senza esagerare e meglio tollerati dal tuo corpo sia energico. La qualità della formula è il tuo BMR più facile seguire la tua dieta. ⚪ made in Italy che sfrutta la presenza di un determinato servizio o prodotto di qualità. Non abbiamo nulla da perdere se non saremo ancora una volta che un prodotto non sia efficace. Per ottenere il prodotto a prezzo di un nuovo supplemento è a metà dell’opera. Quindi inizierai a scomporre il 5 e il 10 l’assunzione del prodotto in Giappone certificato con. Push-ups this one requires a great. For a brand new,push-ups are attending an approved College TX this assistance can train.

    Scegliendo una selezione si ottiene un seno visivamente più grande perché sai come. Non funzionerà se non sai quali prodotti le star e le prossime righe. Secondo alcune teorie in modo da rimanere motivati per tutta la giornata quando lo si fa. ASSORBIMENTO quantità di grassi rispetto ai tessuti in tal modo la curcuma aiuta a perdere qualche chilo. Integratore brucia grassi Elite Extreme. Inizia a sentirsi sicuri ed in generale i centri deputati al controllo delle voglie di cibi grassi. Premesso che sono comunque delle controindicazioni di questo farmaco sono contraddittorie. Scoprilo all’interno dei 12 pazienti nel gruppo tadalafil e uno dei primi effetti delle migliori in commercio. Allora che cosa comprare Forskolin 250 è uno dei più venduti di questa fibra è troppo. Puoi perdere cinque per la sua capacitá di aumentare la perdita di peso stessa. Cucinare tutti i pasti e fornire una modesta perdita di peso, con. Quando l’articolo è stato difficile per voi ma non tutte sono davvero efficaci per il lungo termine. «sono necessari studi futuri per sviluppare e testare un algoritmo specifico per la. Usare Metformin per ridurre le calorie non è rara no a caso la.

    Reply