Did you notice in the title for this blog that I capitalized NEED? Men don’t want to be wanted, they NEED to be wanted. NEED. It is in capitals for a reason. Just as women desperately want to hear, ‘I love you”, men NEED to be wanted and loved. Of course, men don’t come across as needing anything, and they are certainly not going to ask, because after all, that wouldn’t be manly right?

But in all honesty, if women were able to figure this out, and be able to love their husbands in the way that men need, there would be a lot less affairs, flings, and divorces out there.


What is a correct way to love?  First of all, love is a choice, not an emotion. We choose to love someone. Sure, we can have feelings for someone, and when we first meet we may get the butterflies, or swoon worthy moments, but the bottom line is that when we decide to marry someone, it is a deliberate choice. Feelings can change at the drop of a hat, but choosing to love someone is a decision of the brain, not your heart.

The only way marriages break down is when there is a choice not to love someone anymore. And once that decision is made, there is nothing that can change it. Even if there is forgiveness in a relationship, if one side chooses not to love the other person, the marriage is over.


I can speak from personal experience about this, because I am divorced and re-married. I will be candid in my blogs, but I will in no way try to hurt my ex-spouse, or release details about our marriage that would put either of us in a negative light. We met. Fell in love. Got married. Got pregnant. Had a baby. Got pregnant again. Lost twins. Marriage disintegrated. Got divorced. That is my short version story.

I want to point out that forgiveness is so important. Even though there were things that happened in the marriage that were truly hurtful to me, I have forgiven my ex.  I have also apologized and received forgiveness from my ex for the hurtful things that I did to him. Both sides guilty. Both sides accepted responsibility. Both sides forgiven. But that didn’t mean the marriage was repaired. I want people to understand that love is a choice. I chose not to love my ex anymore, and obtained a divorce.

Back to being needed. Look at the song words below written by the band Cheap Trick in 1977:


I want you to want me
I’d love you to love me
I’m beggin’ you to beg me
Oh I need you to need me
I want you to want me
I’d love you to love me
I’m beggin’ you to beg me

Men WANT to feel wanted. Men WANT to feel needed. This song is perfect, because that really is what men want!  It’s blatantly out there!  (Men are still trying to figure out what woman want (ha ha) but at least they are transparent in letting us know what makes them tick!


How do you make a man feel needed? You tell him. Actually say the words. How hard is it to say, “I need you babe!” I DO need my husband, I need his love, his support, his hugs, his kisses, his commitment to me. So, yes I mean it when I say “I need you!” And I make it a point to tell him often, at least once a week! (Trust me, I say it a whole lot more than that!)

Ladies – this is an easy thing to do. It doesn’t cost money. Words are free! Words are powerful. Spoken words to someone else are even more powerful. Shower your partner right now with some attention!


Now that the whole world has a phone, it’s easy to text. And so now it’s even easier to keep in contact with your partner. Me and my hubby text every day. We send funny pictures. We text silly things. We text how much we love each other. We text super naughty texts. And most of all?  I often include a text that says, “I need you!” And I usually throw in an “I want you!” text as well. Hubba hubba, guess what’s going to happen tonight!  Ding Ding Ding!  Wink WINK!

To keep your marriage alive and well, you need to keep the spark between you and your partner going. I’m going to say partner instead of spouse, because I realize that not everyone is married, and not every partner is the same sex, so I’m trying to maneuver my way around using the right words so it applies to everyone. Please don’t get upset, or write to me about discrimination, I am a female married to a man, and so when I write, it will reflect this, and I mean no disrespect to any other partnership out there.


I encourage all of you readers to tell your partner this week that you need them. Tell them why you need them. Whatever it is for you – tell them! Most men will love it, and some may even ask why. My hubby often does. He smiles at me, and says “why do you need me?” Men WANT to hear why they are needed, they LOVE to hear WHY they are needed. It’s important for their self-esteem. And wouldn’t you want to build up your husband, instead of neglecting him and his needs?


Men want to be desired, and most of all, they want to be desired by YOU, their partner! So spice up your life, start texting, start leaving notes, and start VERBALLY telling your partner that you need them. See how much it will change you, your marriage, and your love for each other.

I want to be wanted!

I want to be needed!

I’d love you to love me!

This is easy – you can do it!

I want you, I NEED you!

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