When Life is Unfair….throw it down the despair hole. Now, I’m sure you read that, and immediately thought, “What is she talking about?”
Let’s face it right off the bat. Life.is.unfair. It will always be unfair. To you, to me, to your family, to your neighbor, to everyone. No-one is exempt from unfairness. It comes in all shapes and sizes. It can start off small like a mosquito bite. Slap. It stung, but at least only for a short time. But then it can attack with a vengeance. CHOMP. And suddenly it takes longer to recover.
These wounds happen throughout our entire life. Biting, chomping, sucking, attacking, devouring, destroying. If this keeps happening to us without a lot of good things going on in our lives, guess what happens? We fall into despair. We complain. We blame others. We point fingers. We whine. We have pity parties. We sink into depression. We blame God. We curse. We gossip. We retreat. (Notice I’m using “we?” It’s because I’ve been guilty of these things too) And what does that accomplish? Absolutely nothing good.
Suddenly the unfairness of life just made you a victim. A victim who wants to be pitied, and have people feel sorry for you. So, we tell everyone our gripe stories, and not only do we tell one person, we tell about four or five. Or even more. Sure, our stories are real, the pain is real, and we NEED to talk about it, right? (Well, I’d say for women, yes, we NEED to talk about it), but do you realize that every time you bring up a story or event and talk about it, you are re-living it again as if it just happened? Yup. Your brain can’t tell the difference. Your amazing brain will re-live the experience for you, and give you the exact same feelings and emotions that you had with the original experience.
Now ask yourself, why on EARTH would you choose to re-live a painful experience all over again? Sometimes we do, because we want affirmation from someone who will make us feel better and empowered, and will join with us in hating the person (or event) in our lives that caused the unfairness. We always want someone on our side. We want to feel justified in our anger, and our hate, and our blame. But, staying on this cycle is terrible. You will never have a happy fulfilling life without learning how to deal with the unfair moments.
The answer is simple, but yet most people struggle with it. And what is “it?” It is forgiveness. Forgiving the person, or event, or occasion that caused the unfairness in your life. And not only do you need to forgive, but you need to let go and not focus on revenge. I’ve struggled with this for years myself, but it’s the only way to move on, and enjoy the great moments in life. One unfair moment in your life that seems overwhelming should not destroy your whole future. Two unfair moments in your life should not destroy it. Three unfair moments in your life….okay, I don’t need to continue. This number will actually be more like, “five thousand, nine hundred and seventy three!” (or insert your own number, if you are keeping track).
The point is, we need to let hurt go. This is where “when life is unfair, throw it down the despair hole” comes in. Now, despair is a terrible thing. It is a black hole. Think of despair as an endless tunnel. Well, if you throw out your unfair moments down that hole, they should never be able to come back up. Those moments are then GONE. Forever sucked away. But you? You are on the outside of that hole. On the ground, looking down. And what can you see? Nothing. You will never see anything come back out of that hole. Now, I don’t know about you, but when you throw your garbage away and it is collected weekly, you know you will NEVER see it again. That’s what needs to happen with unfair moments, even if the unfairness happens every single day.
Get into a routine of throwing unfairness out. Don’t focus on it. Think of it as collateral garbage. You wouldn’t keep garbage all over your house, so treat your mind like your house. Get rid of unfairness. Unfairness = Garbage.Then take it a step further, and choose to forgive the person, establishment (workplace), or event that has caused you the pain. Let it go. Let it fall off you. Choose to think happy, healthy, and optimistic thoughts. Choose to focus on what you have to be thankful for. There is always something. Eyes that see, ears that hear, hands that move, you get the point. Life is a gift, and if you treat it like that, you will and can be happy, no matter how mean people can be.
Let’s face it, unfairness is caused by people. People like you and me. People that ARE you and me. I have caused a lot of hurt and pain to a lot of people over the years. Me. I’m guilty of making life unfair to others. I have apologized, but sometimes wounds go deep, and relationships are never the same, even if there is forgiveness. Consequences. We all suffer those too. But you know what? Bottom line is that we need to stop beating ourselves up over our past failures, we need to make amends, apologize, forgive, and throw out the garbage; not recycle the same old crap that makes us feel bad. What happens to wounds that don’t heal? They stink, fester and rot. Think about that. That’s what will happen to you if you don’t learn to get rid of the “life is so unfair” complex.
Wounds can kill. Forgiveness heals. Make the right choice! There is absolutely NOTHING in your life that can happen that is unforgivable. It is only our stubborn will that makes us not want to forgive. We want to hang on and make that person PAY! It’s our nature, but it isn’t the right way. Even if someone that hurt you never apologizes, you will be released from the poison of anger if you choose to let it go and truly forgive. How you know you’ve forgiven them is that you finally stop talking about the event, and you don’t bring it up anymore, to anyone. PERIOD.
We all have trauma, we are all the same. Different people, different wounds, but all still hurting. Let’s decide to be nice to each other, give each other a break, and realize we are all on the same playing field: Life IS UNFAIR! Get over it, expect it, and ride those waves without drowning in pity for yourself. Throw life’s unfair moments (daily) into the despair hole, and let it sink away. Do not get too close to that hole, or you will fall in, and be sucked into the vortex of victim-hood. Then it becomes all about you and your choices, not what was done to you or what happened to you. How you choose to behave once moments in life happen is all about YOU! Stop blaming others, point the finger at yourself. (Don’t worry my finger is also pointed directly at me too)
So, here I am, choosing to forgive daily those that hurt me. You know why? Because those people are probably hurting themselves. Let’s be kind. Let’s be nice. I’m choosing today to have the right attitude. I don’t always win this battle, but like I said, it’s a choice. You can decide ahead of time what kind of day, or life you will have – Happy, healthy, and optimistic, or bitter, angry, and unforgiving. Remember, your past will always be your future, if you keep dragging it along with you.
I know what kind of life I want….do you?