Have you ever had a really embarrassing story to tell? I have had many, but I think this is my favorite one. It sure is funny now, but when I was living through it? I don’t think I have ever been so mortified! Let me begin, so you can have a laugh at my expense, all over again!
THE BEGINNING OF THE STORY
The year was 1994, I had been married just over 2 years to (my ex) Dennis, my dad had been killed (by a drunk driver in 1993) and so we had invited my mother to tag along on a vacation with us. Dennis, my mom and I had travelled up to his maternal Grandparents place, who happened to live in Okanagan Falls, BC.
We were having all sorts of wonderful adventures, we had gone down the channel on inner tubes, and now we were strongly urged by Grandma to go visit and do touristy things in Osoyoos, which was close by. We headed out driving on a beautiful sunny day, and once we arrived, we parked, and started walking around.
DOWNTOWN OSOYOOS
We were mostly just window shopping, but when we walked past a store that caught my eye, I wanted to go in, but my mom and Dennis didn’t want to. They said they would keep walking, but slowly so I could catch up with them later.
THE STORE
I walked into the store and started looking around. It was a bathing suit store, and it had many beautiful bikinis and bathing suits all over the walls as displays. There were also round racks of fabrics, which I had never seen before. I had never seen an entire store devoted to just bathing suits and bikinis before, it was amazing!
There was only one other couple in the store, and I would describe them as biker people. The man had on a lot of leather, was huge, and had tattoos all over his body. Can’t remember if he had a Hell’s Angel Jacket on or not, but that’s what he looked like to me. I know, assumptions, but seriously – if I had to make a bet on it, I’d probably be right. His girlfriend was a blonde, mid-sized, also wearing leather.
A HYSTERICAL MOMENT
As I made my way around the store looking at the different bathing suits, the other lady had pulled out a bikini from the rack, and was holding it up. Suddenly a very tall skinny man came swishing past me, grabbed the bikini out of her hand, and placed it back on the rack, while saying, “that won’t fit you.”
My eyebrows went up so high, and I quickly turned around, so I wouldn’t laugh and they couldn’t see the look on my face. The boyfriend laughed, and I quickly made myself busy at the fabric rack I was at. I was working my way through the red fabrics, when suddenly this tall skinny man, with a tape measure around his neck was standing right in front of me.
I was still in a bit of shock over what he had just done, that I’m sure I was giving him a funny look. He said hello to me, and then looked at me from head to toe.
And I mean s l o w l y LOOKED AT ME from h-e-a-d to t-o-e.
IT’s NOW MY TURN TO BE EMBARASSED
I’ve never had anyone look at my body like that before. Oh my goodness! My face turned beet red, but before I could turn away, this is what he said to me:
“Hmmm, I see you have one breast larger than the other, I can fix that, and I’ve also got some great tummy tuck material too! I make everything here in the store, and I can have it done in a jiffy. Can I measure you up?”
DONNA BECOMES SPEECHLESS. YES, IT HAPPENED
For a second, stunned silence ensued. Then two loud outbursts of laughter exploded from the biker guy and his girlfriend. They couldn’t stop laughing. I just stood there, and I think my mouth was hanging open and everything. I quickly said, “oh no thanks, I already have a bathing suit” and then I hightailed it to the door as fast as I could.
I walked out of the store, with such a crazy look of surprise and disbelief on my face, that when I caught up to my mom and Dennis – they took one look at me, and asked me, “what’s going on? What happened?” I quickly told them what happened, and then we all started laughing. I couldn’t stop! You know when you get the hysterical giggles? Well, that’s what I had. Oh my GOODNESS!!!!!
THE NEVER-ENDING STORY
When we arrived back at Grandma and Grandpa’s place, I repeated the story, and Grandma was especially enthralled. She threw her had back and laughed so hard, I’ll never forget. Every time we went out after that and encountered different people and friends, she said to me, “tell them the bathing suit story!” So, I think by the time we left Okanagan Falls, everyone in the neighbourhood had heard about it. YIKES!
When I think of it now, I was only 112 lbs, and not really that fat, certainly not needing tummy tuck material! I’ll post a pic, and you can make your judgement from that! HA HA HA!
Anyhow, it was one of the most humiliating, embarrassing moments I had had in my life up to that point. (I was 25 years old). If the other couple hadn’t been in the store, I probably wouldn’t have been so embarrassed, but to hear them laugh? I’m sure they are still telling that story themselves, and how funny it was that the bathing suit owner had snatched the bikini out of her hand and said it was too small!
I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS DAY
I will never forget Osoyoos. Grandma told me that I should have taken him up on his offer, and that it probably would have been the best bathing suit I ever had. She’s probably right.
Next time I visit, I’ll be sure to look for his shop, and see if it’s still there. What a hoot!
MY NON-BIKINI PHOTO
