Not all of us have a victim mentality, but there are some of us who do. Thankfully, it is a mindset only, and CAN be changed. But first – you have to be willing to admit you DO have victim mentality. This is not easy to admit. Not everyone is capable of self-reflection though, and many will stay stuck their entire lives being angry and always blaming others. But I’m here to tell you that there is hope for you.
YOU MIGHT NOT BE AWARE YOU HAVE VICTIM MENTALITY
So – I feel it’s pretty safe to say that none of us wake up every day and say, “hey, let’s be a victim today”, or “let’s act like a victim today”. It’s not a choice we make consciously, it only happens because of events that have occurred in our lives that have hurt us so badly that we are still struggling with our memories. Did you know that if you cannot forgive, you will never be able to move on from any hurt? I’m using the word NEVER here people! The reason why people stay in a victim mentality is because they are still mad, and hurt, and cannot let it go. So – until you are willing to forgive, or want to forgive, you will remain in a victim mentality until you do. That sounds dire, doesn’t it? It is. Anger is poison, and poison will kill you. Over time your body will break down and you will suffer different sicknesses. Depending on your genes, anger comes out in different shapes and forms. Our emotional health triggers our body’s health. Some people search for a cure their whole lives, and its right here in front of them the whole time. Forgiveness. It’s free, all it costs is your pride. That’s it. You have to lower your pride in order to forgive the person who offended you. The person who cheated on you. The person who abused you. The person who raped you. The parent who manipulated you. The sibling that cheated you. Fill in your own blank. Once you are committed to getting well, and realizing that forgiveness is the key, you will be able to move on in life, and no longer act or think like a victim. If you are still angry and full of hate, you have victim mentality.
WHAT IS VICTIM MENTALITY?
What is victim mentality? It is someone who is mistaken in their belief that nothing ever goes their way, and that life is out to get them. They are looking for sympathy. It becomes an excuse to shirk responsibility, and always make it someone else’s fault for everything that goes wrong with their life. We all have a past, and scars that have wounded us. Some of us have endured abuse. But no matter what has happened in our lives, we need to learn to move forward, and that does not involve blaming the person who hurt us. Everyone has to deal with their problems, their relationships, their work, their bosses, their kids. It’s inexcusable to blame your shortcomings for your behaviour due to something that happened in your past. In my past, I went through a painful divorce. Painful because of so many things that had happened over the course of ten years. It takes two to make a marriage, and it takes two to break a marriage. Nothing is ever one sided. For me to put all the blame on my ex (even if some of the things were his fault) would be wrong. I’m not perfect, and neither was he. When we were first separated, I did a lot of finger pointing and blaming. It’s normal to do that, by the way. We always want to be right, and we don’t usually like admitting our own faults. I was no exception. I wanted everyone to be on my side, because divorce is painful and embarrassing. But what I realized was that until I decided to forgive him for all the hurts he caused me, I would never be able to get rid of the anger. So, I chose to forgive. I couldn’t forgive him enough to stay married to him, but I could forgive enough to let all that pain go. Now, no matter what he does or says, it doesn’t hurt me. We are not attached, there isn’t any drama. I’m not out to make people hate him for what he may or may not have done during the 10 years we were married. That is water under the bridge. That time in my life is gone, it’s history. There is no reason why I should remind myself of that pain. My ex wasn’t perfect, and he never will be. But I can extend him grace, and know that I am just as imperfect as him, but in different areas. We all need to extend grace and forgiveness to those who hurt us. That enables us to move on in life, and enjoy our lives. You can’t get the past back, so it really is time to stop being a victim, and let it all go. Forgiveness.
VICTIMS BLAME EVERYONE EXCEPT THEMSELVES
Victims are unable to blame themselves. When things go wrong, they will never look at their own behaviour. They are unable to look inward, so instead it will become a series of finger pointing and blaming. It will either be a parent, a boss, a child, an in-law, a sister, a brother, an ex, the stock market, anything!. It will always be someone else’s fault. There will always be an excuse. A victim mentality will always blame others. When you are reprimanded, can you take it? Or do you blame someone else? We need to learn to take responsibility for every single thing that we do, or say.
VICTIMS SEEK ATTENTION BY COMPLAINING
Victims thrive on attention, even if it’s negative. Trying to get someone to feel sorry for you isn’t healthy. Complaining usually elicits pity, or advice, and what is sad is that this is the only way they know how to behave. The victim will always find excuses to stay stuck and never take any responsibility, or action for their behaviour, but will continue to complain about their circumstances to anyone who will listen. Some victims complain for years. Some victims complain until they die. What a bitter, awful way to live life. It’s so sad, really.
VICTIMS EXERT POWER OVER OTHERS
Getting others to feel sorry for you is a way of manipulating or controlling others. It could also mean that others walk on eggshells around you, in order not to make you upset. Victims have also used their bad relationships to guilt trip their partner, or have a “poor me” attitude. Most of the time, victim mentality starts in childhood. For others, it starts in a relationship that has gone bad. Some people experience verbal abuse, or sexual abuse, which makes them feel helpless. Victims usually end up in relationships with people who will repeat the same pattern of abuse.
DO YOU HAVE VICTIM MENTALITY?
If you have read everything above, and suddenly realize that you have victim mentality – the good news is that you can change it. It takes forgiveness, and most likely therapy. Please know that you have the power to change your life, with your own thoughts. You need to learn how to process your feelings that keep you in your victimized state. If you are angry, you need to forgive. If you are not willing to forgive, you will stay stuck. Forgiveness is free, it works, and it only costs YOU your pride.
RUN AWAY FROM THOSE WITH VICTIM MENTALITY
If you have someone in your life that is stuck in victim mentality, take a step back and re-evaluate your friendship. If they are not willing to realize they need help, and see nothing wrong with their behaviour, it’s probably the best to leave that friendship for your own health.
FUTILITY OF VICTIM MENTALITY
Being a victim in life is like the analogy of anger and poison. If you are the victim, you’re drinking poison, and expecting the other person to die, but instead you only harm yourself. It will only harm you – no matter how much you blame others. Take responsibility for your life, because no-one else is going to do it for you. If you want to move ahead in life, then you need to process all your hurts, and learn how to forgive and let them go. Forgiveness is the ONLY way to heal from past pain. The ONLY way. The mind is a battlefield, and it doesn’t want to let go of past hurts, but you deserve to feel good about yourself. If you want to quit having a victim mentality, remember that you have the power to do so at ANY TIME. You can change the course of your life by forgiving, and changing your thoughts.
PRAY FOR THOSE WITH VICTIM MENTALITY
Those who exhibit victim mentality are hurting. They are not trying to be mean, nasty, vile complainers, it is a by-product of hurt, and anger. Victims could be afraid to heal, because their entire identity is centered on the trauma they’ve experienced. They have no idea who they are outside of trauma and that unknown can be terrifying. They need love, prayer, and support. But remember, you can still pray for someone, and choose not to be around them if they are unwilling to change their behaviour, or learn how to forgive. If you want to read more about how to forgive, click here.
CHANGE YOUR LIFE TODAY!
Choose today, right now, to quit having victim mentality. Choose to take responsibility for everything that has happened in your life. No matter what was done or said, or what you experienced, choose to learn from it, turn the chapter, and move on. Forgive, forget, and let go.
Your mind has the power to do anything you command it to – you just have to be willing.
Make a change today!
End the cycle of self-pity and take control of your life TODAY!