I can’t emphasize enough that you can change your life simply by changing your thoughts. It doesn’t matter where you live, what size house, apartment, condo you have, what clothes you wear, what parents you have, what job you hold, or how much money you owe, if you’re married, single, have kids, etc you can change your life with your thoughts. Yes, it’s possible, and I’m living proof.
WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT YOURSELF COMES TRUE
I’m astounded at people who constantly beat themselves up, and say negative things. “I’m such a klutz”, or “I’m a nerd” or “It doesn’t matter”, or “I could never do that.” We don’t like it when others call us names, so why on earth would we do it to ourselves? Low self-esteem? The result of someone not loving us growing up, and belittling us, so we don’t think we are worthy, or deserve to be recognized? It’s hard to say. Those who retreat into negative self-talk were usually emotionally or verbally abused as kids, by a parent, a sibling, a teacher, or classmates. It’s not normal to beat yourself up. We are all born equal, but yet depending on our family and life situations, life can deal us some pretty hefty blows.
It doesn’t matter if you have a negative self-worth, you can change it – all by yourself. YOU! Yes, you can change what goes on in your head. You need to realize that you are important, you matter, and that you are loved. Even if you don’t feel loved, always know that there is ALWAYS one person who loves you unconditionally – God. He will always love you! So, if you are feeling unloved by parents, a spouse, siblings, co-workers, anyone, know that God will always be by your side, being your Father, and loving you as his child.
Right now there seems to be an explosion of people suffering from mental health issues. I believe with the rise of social media, it has made mental health issues worse. Not only do we see and read about what other people say, we are attacked, criticized, and ridiculed online for what we post, and what we respond to. Some of us compare ourselves to others lives. Before we only had a small circle of friends to do this with, but since the rise of Facebook, twitter, and all other social media came along, we have a front row seat to everyone else’s life, their choices, their drama, their friends, their opinions. And everyone these days has an opinion. You can write one thing – and get ten different responses. There is a lot of shaming that goes on as well, if you dare to have a difference of opinion. I have to say that I’m so thankful I grew up in a world (teenager) without social media. Ahhh. No-one to mock me, no-one to body shame me, no-one to criticize my choices of parenting, no-one to slam me for believing in God. It was an easier life. Yes, my generation had it easy, and I am grateful.
We need to recognize that most people struggling with mental health need love, acceptance, and reassurance.
Facebook was launched Feb 4, 2004. I really wasn’t aware of it at all until my stepson started dating his (now) wife, and she used to complain about her dad always posting to Facebook. I was curious, and so did a google search, and voila – joined myself in 2006. Way back then, it was usually only photos I posted, or shared the occasional motivational poster. It has changed so much over the years. I am really grateful that it’s possible to block annoying people, and you can snooze those friends (for 30 days) who seem to swear incessantly. And no, I don’t need to see or view outrageously offensive jokes. No thanks. That’s not my style. I’ll snooze you, but I certainly won’t post online and publicly shame you for posting something that I would never post. I think what people need to remember is that what you post reveals a lot about who you are. Your posts say more about you than you think. I don’t have a problem with Facebook in that I enjoy using it every day. It serves a great purpose in keeping families who live far apart in touch. I can also see what’s going on in my extended family’s lives by pictures and updates they post, without ever having to communicate. It’s a great way to stay in touch, especially for family that lives in another country. If I have friends on Facebook that I find stressful, or their posts are too offensive for me, I just remove them. I don’t need to be stressed out or feel bad when looking at my newsfeed. Goodbye negative person! Buh byeeeeee! I wrote a blog about removing toxic friends – click on the link to read.
AFFIRMATIONS – DEFINITION
The first thing you need to do is start positively affirming yourself. Do you know what an affirmation is? The dictionary definition of affirmation is: the act of affirming, a positive assertion. For example: She nodded her head in affirmation. His memoir is a reflective affirmation of family love. Saying positive statements about yourself is affirming yourself. “I am strong and capable of anything that comes my way” is an affirmation. Anything positive you say about yourself is an affirmation.
If you are interested in daily affirmations, have a look at this website: success-affirmations.com and also have a look at my facebook page, Affirmations for YOUR success – (shown in the above picture). Get into the habit of saying positive, healthy affirmations DAILY.
This will indeed change your life. Say it, and believe it. If you say you feel great, you will have a great day. If you say you are tired every time someone asks, you will be tired all day. Change your mind. Decide to be great instead of tired. When people walk by and ask “how are you doing?” Answer with “I’m doing GREAT!” They will be surprised, and you WILL feel great, and happy, and I bet a smile will even break out on your face. Try it, with the next unsuspecting person that asks you how you are doing.
YOU CAN CHANGE
Yes, you can change. Remember, if you say “I can’t change”, in essence you’re saying “I WON’T change”. Anyone can change. You are not too old to change. That’s an excuse. It’s all in your head. A decision. Three little words. I.CAN.CHANGE. Yes, yes you can! All you have to do is decide. No matter how much you’ve done something one way, or reacted to stress in another way, you can change.
GOODBYE FEAR OF SPIDERS
I’ll give you an example. I used to be scared to death of spiders. My whole life, I would shriek and scream every time I saw a spider. I would get hysterical if one came near me. Well, guess what. After a loud explosion of fear one day, my wise hubby said to me, “Donna, you really need to quit being so ridiculous about spiders. Do you realize how small they are?” I nodded. “Do you think they can harm you?” I shook my head no. “Are you bigger than them?” I nodded yes. “Well, why would you be afraid of something so small, that you can easily squish with your foot?” I thought about that for a while, and realized he had a point. He then went on to tell me to quit saying I was afraid of spiders, and just say, “I am bigger than this spider, and can easily kill it”. I agreed.
Months went by. One day I was reading a book on the couch, and I saw a spider go scurrying past. It was a fairly hefty spider (wolf spider with really hairy legs) and I admit I had a huge adrenalin rush. Instead of shrieking and running, I actually reached over to the coffee table, grabbed a large book, and then dropped it on the spider, crushing it instantly. YUCK! But hey – I won that battle, even though I had to clean my book. ICK! The next time I encountered a spider, I calmly went and got a shoe, and then slammed it. I didn’t feel safe squishing it with slippers on, what if one of those hairy legs touched my leg! The next spider I killed got even easier, and what I noticed is that I had stopped saying I was scared of spiders. What I DID say was, “I’m not afraid of spiders”. This is true today. If it’s a garden type spider in my house, I’ll even rescue it with a kleenex and take it outside. Sorry, but hairy wolf spiders are going to die a stomping death. The point is – you can overcome ANY fear with simply changing your mind.
I AM A PADI CERTIFIED SCUBA DIVER
You’re wondering why I brought up such an obscure statement in this post, right? Well, it’s another example. All my life I was afraid of the water, and afraid of being near things in the water due to watching too many scary movies when I was growing up. (Not at home, mind you – always at a friend’s place when we snuck watching tv during sleep overs). I never went water skiing, or swimming in a lake because I was so afraid. Even in a canoe, I was terrified to go near a dead head (that’s a log that sticks out of the water, you can’t see the whole thing, just the end) or look over the side of the canoe, because I was sure something was going to get me. This carried into my teens as well. (Okay, I shouldn’t have watched all the Friday the 13th movies, I admit it!) So – one day when my hubby and I were flying home on my 40th birthday from Mexico, the movie that was showing was called Fool’s Gold with Kate Hudson. It was incredible! I turned to my hubby and said, “we need to learn how to dive!” And he surprised me by saying he already knew, AND had his own scuba gear! Whaaaaaaaat? Surprise surprise! He had learned when he was in the military. How about that!
We chatted after the movie was over, and again, my wise hubby informed me that my fear of the water was irrational, and that all I needed to do was change my mind. When we got home, I immediately signed up for Scuba Diving lessons. Paul took a refresher course, as it had been years since he had been, and we were both certified as PADI scuba divers in 2006. We did our final dive at Porteau Cove in Vancouver, and it was a beautiful, gorgeous sunny day, and I shall never forget it. All I did was change my mind and say, “I’m not afraid of the water, or things in the water.” That was it. So – for all my friends and family that heard I was a qualified diver, they were stunned and surprised. Yup – all I did was change my mind. That’s all you need to do folks – I’m TELLING you! It’s easy!
FORGIVE AND FORGET
What really bothers me is when I see or hear people say, “forgive, but never forget”. Seriously? What is the point of forgiving, if you’re not going to forget? Why would you want to bring up old pain? Why would you want to re-live hurt over and over by remembering? That’s so silly! It’s terrible advice. What we really need to do is forgive and forget. This is also a part of changing your thoughts. You can decide that yes, you will forgive someone. Even if you are still mad. You need to choose to forgive. There is no reason to waste your life and your energy on something that happened to you maybe one, two, five, ten, fifteen, twenty, thirty years ago. What a waste of time and energy, to stay angry. All it will do is poison your body, and give you some form of cancer. Seriously.
STOP TRYING TO GET EVEN
Change your thoughts about wanting to get even. Just change your mind. Choose to forgive the person who hurt you. Choose to get over it. Choose to stop thinking about it. Choose to stop obsessing over ways to get even. Choose to move on with your life, and let the past float away. When I say that, I’m talking about painful pasts, not pleasant memories. We need the pleasant to remember good times, and for family and friends who have passed on. We need the past to learn from our mistakes, but we certainly DO NOT need to focus on past hurts, or plot revenge. Stop already. Change your thoughts right now. Pick a day, and choose to forgive your worst enemy. And then after you say the words, “I forgive ______ for hurting me”, choose to let it go. Stop thinking about it. Stop talking about it. Refuse to let your thoughts go to that person every day. You can transform your life by changing your thought patterns. It is possible, but you have to be willing. If you are not willing – then you will be miserable. I might feel sorry for you for a little while, but after years, nope. You’re doing it to yourself – making yourself miserable, and I don’t have any sympathy left for you.
FIND POSITIVE ADJECTIVES AND USE THOSE ONLY
When you think of yourself, and describe yourself, use positive adjectives only. To build your self-esteem, you need to know what your strengths are. If you are unsure, ask your family. They will tell you! You already know what your negatives are, so work on fixing them. You can change them, but I would suggest only one at a time, otherwise it can be too overwhelming. Focus on what you can do, and focus on keeping a positive image of yourself. You are important, you are beautiful. Beautiful people have beautiful insides. What is in your heart, you will wear on your face. My favourite family motto is “happy, healthy, optimistic!” That is what I typically answer when someone asks me how I am. I’ve written a whole post on that as well, click on the link.
CHANGE YOUR LIFE TODAY
Train your brain to focus on the positive, refuse to entertain negative, nasty thoughts. Refuse to call yourself names, and start using only positive adjectives when referring to yourself. You will act what you say. Your life is not ruined by an event that happened 20 years ago. Your life is ruined only by your negative thoughts about the event that happened 20 years ago. See the difference? Forgive, forget, move on, and change your thoughts. By doing so – you change your life.
You can do it.
One thought at a time……one change at a time.
Try it today!